What happens when the organizing principle of your life is no longer to try and shield yourself from
"getting it wrong"?
Here's what I want you to know:
When we peel away the prescriptive labels, the internalized expectations, and the misplaced judgments, there is YOU.
Unique, whole, and deserving, you are here to experience belonging and connection – to freely explore your unique gifts and curiosities without looming fears of being castigated or cast aside.
But our current unjust culture severs our belief in our magic. It disconnects us from ourselves, the collective, the land, and Life itself.
And it trains the shaming voice in our heads.
Steadied & Befriended
Feel seen and empowered
to break the spells and spirals of old, internalized shame stories
and reclaim your sense of dignity
(even in the tricky moments).
It's time to interrupt the narrative
that this is a YOU problem.
Systems of Supremacy have exploited the Basics of Biology to keep you trapped in a cycle of toxic shame for far too long.
Here's what we need to name:
- We are innately, miraculously, and beautifully wired for connection, and
- Shame is a neutral emotion
<somewhere, Brené Brown gasps.>
In cultures of care, shame shows us when we've severed our crucial connection with the group and invites us to repair the harm and reintegrate.
But Systems of Supremacy exploit this innate desire to belong.
By creating a hierarchy of "norms" and manufacturing the pervasive sense YOU are uniquely flawed, these Systems usher us into the "Worthy When..." Cycle:
"When I [lose 10 pounds / get the promotion / own a home/ assimilate], then I will be lovable, respected, and admired."
But because the demands of these Systems are insatiable...
we end up on the parallel hamster wheels of
- shrinking, hiding, and fixing to conceal our "flaws"
- and over-working, over-giving, and over-doing to try to be beyond critique.
Meanwhile, our inner shaming voice polices us:
We internalize our "inadequacies" and self-reject the parts we fear will threaten our security and approval.
We distract people from our faults.
We deny our vulnerabilities.
We create a self-concept that gives us armor and a greater sense of control.
But our behavior is extractive
and our policing is violent.
Patterns of self-punishment, self-rejection, and self-loathing create a toxic inner world where breaking away from performing perfect threatens the sense of self we've painstakingly constructed.
But what if we could
leverage the Basics of Biology
to bust the Systems of Supremacy --
within us, between us, and around us?
Steadied & Befriended
steady: to settle, to anchor oneself in order to create balance and presence
befriend: to see another; to witness and welcome; to extend connection
Together, let's use the power of connection to step out of shame and into dignity...
Over the course of our 6 weeks together, we will cultivate some foundational practices to help you remember how whole, capable, and deserving you already are:
- We interrupt the narrative of shame that says "hide, shrink, and fix" and we intentionally practice witnessing and welcoming -- both ourselves and one another.
- We practice multidimensionality, developing our ability to hold the "both/and": "I can notice an old story about myself AND I can be worthy and deserving of love as I am right now."
- We develop a more solid sense of self to attune to and we assign significance to ourselves - without falling into the trappings of puffing and hierarchy-ing or shrinking and deflating - we take up our space.
- We gently cultivate connection, so we can expand our capacity to receive, to be accepted, and to experience healthy validation.
- We attune to the needs that have been neglected - by others, by our society and these inequitable systems, and by ourselves.
You can review a sampling of our tools & practices here. We will meet on Thursdays from 4:30-6pm PST (2/22, 2/29, 3/7, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4).
Benefits of Steadied & Befriended's Structure
Learning at Your Pace
Information can help settle us. It can give us the "Ah-ha" moments that make our tendencies make sense.
Each week, you will receive 30-minutes of digestible, educational video content to engage with at your own pace.
Content will focus on: shame across cultures, attachment theory, nervous system regulation, and collective care.
Embodied Practices
Information alone doesn't create change - integration does.
We will meet "Live" over Zoom for six 90-minute sessions to go deeper into our learning together.
This will include guided experiential practices, coaching, and group care.
We will have one "off" week mid-program to allow our learning to settle.
Intimate Group Setting
One powerful way we help soften the walls of shame is through connection.
This group will remain small (10 max) in order to prioritize intimacy and more customized support.
We will intentionally practice with several meta-skills to witness ourselves and one another without rushing to fix or be fixed.
Join Steadied & Befriended Now
1:1 Client Testimonial
"I feel whole. My energy isn't split and I am more grounded within myself.
The somatic practices Allison shares helped me build a more intimate relationship with my body and I love that I have these tools at my disposal forever so that I can regulate my nervous system when things feel out of my control.
The results go incredibly deep and affect every area of my life because they showed me how to show up for myself and align my energy so that I can show up in the ways I wish to for the world. "
-Jerrelle G.
We are innately designed to..
SEE & BE SEEN | WITNESS & BE WITNESSED | CONNECT & BELONG
and these breadcrumbs guide us back to our dignity & our humanity.
Toxic shame says "shrink, hide, fix."
Dignity says "be with and learn to meet what is here, without judgment."
This acceptance is not a passive resignation nor is it a free pass to permit harm.
It is the radical acceptance that learning and unlearning are forever, and that toxic shame is not a meaningful driver of behavior change.
It is a rejection of the unreasonable narrative that we should have it all figured out by now and that if we don't, then we deserve to feel this way.
It is a denunciation of the belief that performing "perfect" could ever make us more precious than being present, authentic, receptive, and accountable -- to ourselves and one another.
1:1 & Group Program Client Testimonial
"Historically, I have spent so much time in my head with my racing thoughts that it has been hard for me to slow down and connect to my body.
Allison meets people where they are at and equips you with tools that are a right fit for you.
I trust my reactions and decisions more because I recognize old mental stories and I have the tools to be in my body, slow down, and ground myself."
-Molly M.
Am I a good fit for the program?
Shame may tell you that you don’t have what it takes; you’re not worth the investment; you’re uniquely “too far gone.” That’s fuckin' rubbish.
This program is a fit for you if:
- In addition to that shaming voice, you can hear one that says, "we're open to being seen - we want to receive support - we believe another way is possible - we are ready to connect."
- You are ready and willing to be seen and witnessed and to witness and see others in the group.
- You are seeking to cultivate a more intimate, loving relationship with yourself.
- You are eager (and willing to fumble for a bit) to identify your own needs and express them honestly.
- You have the time, capacity, and commitment to engage with the course content and materials.
This program is not a fit for you if:
- You are seeking treatment or diagnosis for a mental health condition. This program is not a replacement for therapy.
- You are experiencing unintegrated trauma that makes it difficult to remain present in the current moment.
- You desire private 1:1 support and are not interested in opening up in an intimate group setting at this time.
- You are looking for a quick fix or you struggle to hold multiple truths simultaneously.
- You are stretched too thin in this season, and don't have the capacity to invest energy in the course.
1:1 & Group Program Client Testimonial
"I learned how to be with my discomfort more often by naming my feelings, embracing them, and communicating them with others.
You'll learn things you never knew and be reminded of the most important ways to communicate - not only to others - but with yourself as well.
I was hesitant about joining a group program, but the intimacy and the people in it ended up being one of the most enjoyable parts!”
-Alyssa O.
Join Steadied & Befriended Now
Hi! I'm Allison McManis (she/her).
I know shame well.
For most of my life, I wanted to be exceptional. I believed the misconception that performing well outperforming others was the way to guarantee I'd be loved.
But there is a shadow side to overworking, overfunctioning, overperforming, and overgiving, over and over and over:
I used a harsh inner critic to keep myself in check and to override my body's feedback that I was doing too much.
And while I performed like an All-Star (as measured by the norms of capitalism, patriarchy, and whiteness), my sense of self was fragile af.
When I received critical feedback, I felt humiliated - not because it was wrong, but because I expected myself to do things perfectly. every. time. I couldn't accept the disappointment of feeling like a failure (dramatic, I know - but this happens when our self-concept is built on status and acquisition instead of connection).
I've gotten to unlearn - and continue to unlearn - a lot. Today I love coaching "over-extenders" - perfectionists, people-pleasers, and overachievers - who are ready to accept their humanity and cultivate the trust that it is safe to do less. We create enough space between you and your conditioning to honor your enough-ness, just as you are - right here, right now.
I hold a Master's in Educational Leadership and am a Certified Mastery Method Coach through the Institute for Coaching Mastery. I also hold a Certificate in Somatic Embodiment & Regulation Strategies, under the instruction of Linda Thai, LMSW.
I am in the process of transitioning my website, and I am taking my time. If you'd like to learn more about me and my work, you can do that here.
Investment Options
Select a payment option that make this investment sustainable for you. Please note: my business is an extension of my values, politics, and beliefs about human dignity and justice, therefore 10% of your payment will go directly to support mutual aid efforts in Palestine.
Program Bonuses
I want you to feel confident and supported to translate our learning into your daily life. These two bonuses are included to help you do just that:
One 75-minute 1:1 Coaching Session
The power of being witnessed by the collective is transformative
AND, we each bring unique contexts, histories, and experiences to this space.
In this 1:1 coaching session, you will receive customized support to integrate your learning from the program and apply it in your personal context.
Valued at $225
Access Allison's Body Literacy Library
We can't break out of shame by simply working with our thoughts.
Our bodies - and more specifically - our nervous systems - shape our experience of the world.
This library has dozens of digestible instructional videos on the science and magic of how to tend to your nervous system long after the program ends.
Valued at $500
1:1 Client Testimonial
"I struggled to communicate my needs and prioritize time for myself, and it left me feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, undervalued, and resentful. I really wanted to make choices that were authentic to me with less guilt and less worry about how other people would perceive me.
Working with Allison is one of the first times in my life I truly felt my needs were centered.
Each session, the tools Allison used help me get to the bottom of and shed old thinking. I trust myself and now believe access to my kindness and generosity needs to be earned and reciprocated. I am carving out more time for myself and I’m putting up with a lot less shit!"
-Danielle W.
Want to make sure Steadied & Befriended is the right fit for you?
This commitment of time, money, and energy is an investment in yourself. I appreciate your slow and careful yes - and I trust it.
Frequently Asked Questions
Plan to block 2 hours per week. There will be approximately 30 minutes of pre-recorded instructional content ahead of each Live call. Live calls will be 90 minutes of experiential practices, coaching, and connection.
We will have a mid-program integration week where no new content will be delivered. You and your learning need space to breathe.
Being witnessed and witnessing others in the group is integral to your experience in the program.
If you cannot plan to attend the majority of sessions, this program is not the best fit for you at this time.
If you do need to miss a session, a replay will be made available.
- Accumulating information doesn't create change. Be intentional with your time and attention and commit to engaging with each exercise (even if that sometimes means choosing to decline an exercise.)
- Expect internal resistance (ex: procrastination, self-judgment) and use it to practice self-compassion. Ahead of the course, I offer pre-work to help you recognize the signs and intervene compassionately.
- Take advantage of the bonuses! A 1:1 coaching session personalized to you is a powerful resource to translate your learning beyond our weekly calls. The Body Literacy Library is packed with short, digestible exercises to help you regulate your nervous system, priming you for deeper learning.
Because this is a very intimate container, there is no margin for cancellations or drop-outs and there are no refunds. If you decide to sign up for a payment plan, you are agreeing to pay your remaining payments in full.
This commitment of time, money, and energy is an investment in yourself. I appreciate your slow and careful yes - and I trust it.
If you have more questions or you'd like to talk through your decision to enroll, please feel free to schedule a discovery call here.
We will meet on Thursdays from 4:30-6pm PST (2/22, 2/29, 3/7, 3/21, 3/28, 4/4). We will take a mid-program break on 3/14.
